I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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