so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
