Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
