So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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