...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
