Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
