after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
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Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
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Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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