Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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