OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
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She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
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I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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