after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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