I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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