Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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