My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
