I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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