I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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