she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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