i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
