Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
