Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
