he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
