Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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