i think my tv is drunk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
