can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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