My liver just broke up with me...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
