Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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