She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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