oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
