yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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