i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
