I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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