Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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