I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I forget how to act sober
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
