Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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