There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
