she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
