I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
