And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
