i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Randomize
