So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
