last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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