quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
third nipple confirmed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
