Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
