I wish I could punch you in the face.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
