guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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