what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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