you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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