im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
