I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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