Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
