just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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