"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
and you fell through a lawn chair
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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