guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
