I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
