you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
