well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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