worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
