I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
