I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Randomize
