and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
