So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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