What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
