Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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