I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
