he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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