love makes seman taste better
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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