Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
