if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
