we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
