He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
