Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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