I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Your cock deserves a montage
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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