Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
