My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
