I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
