im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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